Children’s Disorders
Preparing for a useful conversation
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Date and context
Date / time: ____________________
Place and activity: ____________________
What was asked and what help was available: ____________________
What I observed — what my child said
Describe a specific event without labels: ____________________
Your child’s words or way of expressing their view, as faithfully as possible: ____________________
What happened beforehand, what changed and what seemed to help: ____________________
Another occasion when the same demand was easier or harder: ____________________
Time, reminders, assistance, effort and recovery observed: ____________________
Questions to bring
What support can be offered now, and how will the child’s perspective be heard?
What has changed in daily life, demands or available help since our last discussion?
Which co-occurring needs were considered, and what remains unexplained?
What improved, what persists, and what does the child say or show about the experience?
Who brings the findings together, when will we review them, and what changes should prompt earlier contact?
What does the present account explain, and what remains open?
What further information is needed, from whom, and who will connect the findings?
What can happen now, who is responsible for each step, and when will we talk again?
Agreed next steps and date: ____________________
When concerns are dismissed
“The teacher says my child is spoilt.” Ask to discuss particular events: the demand, what happened before and after, and your child’s account. A judgement about character does not answer those questions.
Before assessment, ask what has been considered, what remains unexplained and the reasoning for the next step. Disagreement with a report calls for clarification from its issuing body and the current official review procedure. If an agreed measure is not being implemented, record that measure and ask the school for a specific response.
These are different situations. We do not give unverified appeal rights or deadlines. See the Greek bodies and their roles and our parent-observation proposal.
A useful written request is: “Please address these specific observations, identify what your explanation covers and leaves open, and state the next action, person responsible and review point. If no further assessment or change is proposed, please explain why.” Keep the response with the question. If it remains unresolved, distinguish a second clinical opinion from a complaint about conduct or an action not delivered; they serve different purposes.
People around the child
Teachers and specialist educators: bring examples from different tasks and describe support already tried. Distinguish word reading, understanding and writing from organising the task.
Relatives: listen to what helps. Offer specific practical support without comparisons or demands for private records.
Paediatricians: discuss development, functioning in different settings and open questions. Ask whether further assessment is needed and how professionals will communicate.
A personal record, not a test
One short relevant example is a sufficient start. You do not need an exhaustive dossier or continuous observation of your child.
There is no score, diagnostic threshold or submission field. You choose what to share and with whom. Do not include identifying details of other children. Store your record securely.
If fear of stigma makes sharing difficult, use a purposeful disclosure plan. Ask who needs which information for which action and how it will be handled.
Keep the history and the unanswered questions together
Use a short timeline alongside the occasion-by-occasion notes above. Include early concerns, later changes, assessments and support tried. Mark a memory written now as a retrospective account; do not give it the status of a note made at the time. Keep dates approximate when that is all you know.
For each important question: date or age → observation and source → context and assistance → question raised → recipient and response → what remains unexplained → agreed action and responsible person → review date and reason for earlier contact.
An example and the questions it opens
Constructed example: copying remains painful and slow despite improved attention. Record the task, the child’s words, time, breaks and help. The open question is which writing demands remain difficult; it is not proof that the medication failed or that a particular diagnosis is present. Ask who will examine the writing difficulty that remains unexplained and what school will change meanwhile.
At review, ask: “What does the combined history suggest we should monitor next? What would make that concern more or less likely? What change should prompt contact, with whom, and how soon?” Include improvement and manageable situations too. Keep monitoring proportionate; the child needs a life beyond observation.
Bring forward material already supplied. Ask the receiving professional to confirm what was reviewed and how unresolved questions will be carried to the next person. Professionals and schools must also produce and connect their own evidence. The family record helps; it does not transfer those duties to the parent. NICE CG128 offers a useful clinical benchmark.
Include relevant background before the first observed difficulty: family patterns, conception, pregnancy and birth. Keep confirmed information separate from recollection or interpretation. Use the family-history record and questions, and ask who will interpret the information and follow it through.